Living the life of an eighty four year old and the lessons that teaches
When I stepped back from being a full time CEO 9 months ago I knew there were a few things that would take an adjustment. Most have been a good change for me. And some are just very different.
One of the choices I have made is to spend a great deal more time with my father. He’s 84 (almost 85!), lives in England and is physically fit. But he’s alone, and slowing down, and long periods alone get him down. So this year I’ve been going to the UK every other month, and he’s come to stay with us, and we’ve vacationed together in France. And next Winter he’s coming to us for several months to escape the long, cold, grey days which England serves up after Christmas.
Life’s a very different pace when you’re 84. There is routine. Breakfast always at the dining table which is set with china, a trip to the supermarket every other day, time with the paper in the morning after breakfast, the big meal (meat and two veg) in the middle of the day (if possible), a walk through the woods by the house (only if it’s not raining), project work (his life story, sorting out photos…), lunch and dinner at the set dining table, and TV after dinner.
It’s idyllic. One day each trip we go to London because he has a meeting at the Dyers and I go to a museum, although this time I stretched the day when I arranged to meet one of my young cousins for a drink after work and got a later train home. But I realized it is very tiring to have such a long day if you are 84 (although it was “great fun”). My sister comes by at the weekends and breaks up the routine for us, and some days I leave for a few hours to see old friends. But in general, it’s a gentle way to live.
And it’s an education for me. An education to help him write his life story, and hear the stories over and over and so realize how important they are to him. An education we are now getting together on self publishing. An education to see how important his lifetime of collecting furniture, art, china etc is to him and how each piece is attached to a memory. An education to hear how important each job was to him, and how much he loved his work, and yet an education to see that all the b.s. he put up with as he was climbing the ladder isn’t really meaningful in comparison to the time he had with my mother, and with family, kids, vacations and adventures. I know this myself, and yet it’s very grounding to actually live in the reality of someone over 80 for a while.
In 48 hours I’ll be on my way back to the hustle of Silicon Valley. Board responsibilities, coaching, the daily tumble of a household and pets. So I try to treasure this gentle pace. And know when it’s all over, hopefully many years from now, I’ll look back on this as a magical time. But it’s also a good reminder that I am not ready to check out of the rat race yet…