FOMO today is typically about missing out on something cool – someone’s vacation on Instagram, a restaurant they ate at, their new car. Merriam-Webster defines it as “fear of missing out : fear of not being included in something (such as an interesting or enjoyable activity) that others are experiencing”. But in the rat race of our modern careers FOMO happens around your choice of profession too.
I see this many times when coaching people at transition points in their careers. You’re working at a large company (in a good job) but a friend goes to a hot startup. They stand to make a big financial hit if it works. Should you do that too? Will you feel you missed out if they hit it big? I watch people forget the reason they went into the big company job in the first place. Maybe they needed the financial security for their family – most startups fail after all. Maybe they really enjoy the space they’re in and the team they are a part of. But the fear of missing what someone else might get can be all consuming, and lead to unfortunate decisions.
In contrast, you’re at a startup and it’s tough. You’re working all hours and being paid 50% of what you made in your previous job at the big company. You see your friends pulling down the big salary and RSUs (stock grants). You have FOMO around the cash. Again, return to what’s important to you and why YOU made the decision you did, not what THEY did.
I talk with successful executives, even successful CEOs, who reach a transition point and stay on the treadmill because they are afraid they will miss out on something big if they don’t. Many have plenty of money so it’s not cash that’s driving them. It’s being someone, being important and a fear of what will it feel like to miss out on that when so many people they know still have it. A coach once told me how much many executives fear not being the person on the plane who sits in seat 1A and has a driver with a black car meeting him wherever he lands. It’s a real thing.
When I stepped back from an operating role almost 10 years ago I watched my friends take on cool, interesting roles in big and small companies and for a while it ate me up. Had I stopped too early? What if I never mattered again? Self-absorbed concerns. But in talking it through with a dear friend she named it for me as FOMO – which immediately grounded me knowing how unproductive FOMO is. Her great advice was to return to the principle and reasons I had decided to step back in the first place and, after some soul searching, I was back in a healthy mindset of celebrating my friends lives and being happy with my choice.
We are bombarded with opportunities for FOMO every day now, especially in social media and the “look-at-me, look-at-me” culture we currently live in. Even in LinkedIn which is just a platform for self-promotion. Don’t fall for it.
Write down why you are making the career choices you are. Be clear and purposeful about it. Do you need a certain income to provide financial security for your family? If not, decide purposefully how you want to live your life without looking at other people. And more importantly how you want to spend what time you have. Time is the one thing you cannot buy and you may never feel you have enough of. So be very conscious and when FOMO strikes chase it away.
Photo: Early 14th century painting in Perugia © 2024 Penny Herscher
